He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
