i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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