BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
