i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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