I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
