Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
