Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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