Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
