you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
