I'm eating all of the evidence.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
