i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
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I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
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You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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