Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize