just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
