id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
