Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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