The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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