I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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