So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
