What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
