I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
