I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I love you. Go after that dick
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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