I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
