Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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