Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
