I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
