It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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