Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize