ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
