We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
