Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
