I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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