Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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