If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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