Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
