Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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