Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
