I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
