he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
