He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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