apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
