and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
