Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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