You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize