Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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