I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
