They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
