I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize