i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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