There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
