My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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