yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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