is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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