Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
