How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
