I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
