Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just took my morning after pill in the library
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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