Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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