hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
