found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
