I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
