So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
we're so committed to being not committed
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
