The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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