i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I need to calm my uterus...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
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