a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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