I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
