Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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