I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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