I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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