I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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