pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
