Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
