i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
