My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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