the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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