why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
