my phone needs a breathalizer
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
