A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
