I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
