walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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