I want to walk on stilts...naked
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
